Since the beginning of this class I have really been awakened to the fact that their are so many older people online. Before taking this course I realized the demographic of Facebook was changing when I received friend requests from older neighbors and family friends and even peoples mothers. However, I did not realize how prevalent the baby boomer generation was becoming online! Over the last few days, I have noticed that some of the people who have been coming up on my “people you may know” are people whom I would consider elderly, like my cousins grandfather and my neighbor Bob who is in his late 60’s! This is something I had never noticed before!
The New York Times article As Older Users Join Facebook, Network Grapples with Death, was an interesting piece in my opinion. I never realized that there was an option on Facebook to memorialize a deceased users page, I had previously assumed it would just be left as it is or removed (which is the experiences I have had with death on Facebook). I was also disturbed by the fact that in order to have a page memorialized one would have to prove a users death by producing an obituary. In my opinion asking a grieving family member for an obituary is insensitive (cough cough catholic university!!) However, what I also find intriguing is the due to the fact that social networking sites are so popular in our generation that now when I loved one passes, grieving friends and family, now not only have to deal with all of the typical steps that go along with the process of burying a loved one, but they eventually have to decide what to do with that persons facebook!! How times have changed!
However, the part of the article that dealt with the older generation was not the reason this article really struck me. Fortunately, I have not had to deal with the passing of an elderly acquaintance or loved one online. On the other hand however, the “ghosts” that I have had to face online have been my peers and friends. Over the last year, my community has unfortunately experienced a lot of sadness and tragedy. Between last summer and last week, at least 8 kids ( and probably more I didn’t know ) around my age have passed away from either accidental drug over-doses or suicide, and many of their Facebooks have become a tribute to their short but beautiful lives.
In some ways I find it comforting to see the outpour of support between friends and family on peoples Facebook walls, and think its nice that people can use that as a space to “forever” commemorate and celebrate the life of the deceased. I also think it is nice that people can continue to “talk” to the person via Facebook by writing them little comments on their wall days, weeks and years after they have passed, in order to keep them from forgetting. However, it also saddens me. I find it hard to see a daily reminder that that person is gone forever and that their lives were cut so short.
One example that sticks out in my mind is my friend Paul Facebook. While I was abroad I got a message on Facebook from a friend of mine that one of our friends and co-workers had passed away suddenly. He was 30 years old, healthy, happy and in love, and died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Since his passing his Facebook, although not officially memorialized by Facebook personale, has become a memorial to his life. I wrote on it when he first passed away, as a way to express my grief and reach out to his family and girlfriend. However, I have not been able to bring myself to write on it again, although from time to time I do look at the comments friends leave on his wall and his pictures. I guess it is a way for me to keep his memory alive. However, I still think that there are other ways to do so and I’m still unsure of my feelings about using Facebook as a memorial space.
I think the issue of death on Facebook is far from a black and white issue, and after hearing the comments from some other users in class yesterday I think that there is a lot of work that needs to be done on the part of Facebook before they can throughly convince me that it is a good/healthy idea.